My Miracle Baby Turns 24 and Continues to Delight and Surprise Us!

Today, I reminisced alot, thinking over the last 24 years and what a joy and pleasure it has been to watch my children grow. Greg, my oldest, is celebrating his 24th birthday today and I am celebrating his life.

It seems like only yesterday, that we brought him home and called him our Gift from God. To read more about how his life with us began, please read My Favorite Christmas Story.

He began as a miracle from God and even today, he keeps me on my toes, keeps me guessing, and keeps inspiring me to be the best me possible.



Today, Greg and his bride to be are contemplating buying their first home on five acreas of beautiful VA countryside and he has dreams of developing his own chicken farm.

Growing up in Northern VA, I would never have guessed that his interest would take him down this road. As he was growing up, we made sure that he had the opportunity to play baseball, football, and soccer. We provided tae kwon do and piano lessons. Each time, we were sure he would want to pursue one of these pastimes on a deeper level and each time we were wrong.

While he enjoyed each extracurricular activity, when he entered high school, he surprised us and went out for Lacrosse. We wondered where the inspiration had come from.

When he moved to Christiansburg, after pursuing college life, he happily reported that he loved the slower pace and the country life and I wondered where this fascination had developed.

As I looked through old photographs, a lightbulb lit up. I came upon a few pictures that both surprised and delighted me. When he was little, we enjoyed taking him to the Reston Petting Zoo. We introduced him to horses, goats and chickens. Looking at the pictures now, I can see now how his early fascination began.

As we begin a new year, I encourage you to think about the memories you are making. I encourage you to take time to reflect. I encourage you to enjoy your discoveries, your loved ones, and every day miracles!

Jodee Blanco - A Survivor of Bullying Shares Her Heart and Soul!

 

Tonight, I did two things to nourish my heart and soul.  I shared my hopes for a brighter tomorrow and took action!

 

First, I met a dear friend, sampled a few delectable treats, feasted my eyes on beautiful decorations, learned of some local wineries and shared some hopes and dreams for the coming week.  Such a grand way to begin an evening. 

 

Little did I know, my evening would get even better!

 

At 6:30 pm, I battled rain and traffic to attend a special presentation by Jodee Blanco who was speaking at my church on the topic of bullying.  This topic is near and dear to my heart and soul, as I have heard one too many stories of young lives that are traumatized by insensitive comments and actions.  I have read too many stories of cyber-bullies and I wanted to know what I might do to keep my kids safe.

 

I very much wanted to hear what this survivor might be able to share with me.  Looking at Jodee now, you would never know....

 

 

Jodee told of her school days and the torment she experienced daily.  She bared her soul and history.  She reenacted her junior and high school experience and she had me transfixed. 

 

She talked about being pushed down the steps, being pinned down by several students while others ran to the parking lots to make snowballs which they stuffed into her mouth, ears and clothing.  They left her there choking. 

 

She talked about the nightmare of going from table to table in her high school cafeteria and never finding a place to sit.  As she asked each group if she might join them, they rejected her, sneered at her, and she was humiliated at every turn.  From that day forward, she spent her lunch period in the restroom eating stale snicker bars. 

 

She talked about her senior yearbook being ruined by a hateful remark when all she wanted was one pleasant memory of her graduation year.  She talked about her one friend, Mitch, who saw what was being written.  She described his eyes welling up, described him putting his face in his hands and sitting silently, while other students walked in, took a look and snickered. 

 

Much to my delight, Jodee's story has a happy ending.  She actually returned to her high school twenty years later and found a way to forgive her classmates and herself for believing the lies that were repeated time and time again throughout her school days.  She wrote a book about her experiences, then another and married Mitch.  She now travels all over, speaking to children, teachers and parents on what they can do to stop bullying. 

 

 

 

If you have been bullied or are concerned about your children, your neighbors, or community, you can learn from her too.  You may wish to read her book or join Jodee's  anti-bullying community.  You might want to read Jodee's blog to learn how to manage bullies and reduce bullying in school, on the playground, in the neighborhood and on-line. 

 

 

Jodee recommended Social Shield as a way of keeping our kids safe on line.  While many of our teens are reluctant to befriend us on Facebook, we can rest easier with Social Shield.  I came right home and ordered Social Shield. I am currently testing out its capabilities for free and while this system is new to me, it looks very promising.  I hope to report more about it in the days ahead.

 

While reading the Social Shield blog, I came across many resources, designed to keep our kids safe, because while our kids may be "cyber savvy" and know more about new technology than we do, our kids are not necessary "cyber secure." The online resources found here, from Stay Safe Online, provide tips about basic Internet safety, online gaming, cyberbullying, social networking and more. 

I learned much and tonight I will sleep better, knowing that I took action to feed my heart and soul.  

• What do you do to nourish your heart and soul?
• What is keeping you up at night?
• What information can you share to brighten your life and lessen your load?

Please share your responses in the comment box below. 

You are Never Alone!

In facing pain, we often shrink within. We see smiling faces, hear laughing voices, and we want to run away and distance ourselves. I can remember a time of great pain in my own life and I remember feeling very much alone. To read my story, go to Believe in a Ray of Hope.

For now, I want to show you how to connect with your heart, your head, and your humanity while avoiding needless suffering. In the video below, Pema Chodron helps you to learn about a simple practice that can help you to transform your pain into compassion. She teaches a simple phrase, that shakes you out of complacency. As of consequence of implementing this practice, our energies are shifted, and we start thinking bigger which benefits not only ourselves but those who are special to us!



May we all open our hearts and minds and remember that "other people feel this." May we all be free of this pain and this sense of isolation! May we always remember to connect with our hearts, our minds, and our humanity. This is my hope.

What are your hopes?

Dare to Hope, Comfort, Dream and Believe!

“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.” --- Michael Jackson

Reading these words, I see and hear another side of Michael Jackson. As he passed, I learned more about the children he left behind and more about those who loved him. A softer, kinder, more tender Michael emerged as he died. He is no longer just "Wacko, Jacko."

He had thoughtful and lofty ideas to share and now he is gone, but his words, work and legacy live on. His persona was often portrayed as troubled, he did outlandish things, and he was not completely understood or appreciated. Reading the headlines, I noted that his 11-year old daughter was moved to say, "I loved him so much. "

As we approach the second half of the 2009, I have been reflecting on my hopes, my blessings, my dreams, and my beliefs. I am filled with a greater sense of urgency. I wonder how can I make the next 6 months matter? How can I put my hopes, dreams, and beliefs into action and bring comfort to not only me but to my community?

I have decided to focus my energy on creating another workshop for Parents and Educators- this one will be entitled, "H" to the 4th Power. In this workshop, I will connect participants to their own hopes, hearts, heads, and hands and encourage them to tackle their challenges with renewed vigor and passion. I will prod, pull and provoke them until I hear their unspoken dreams clearly.

I intend to ask participants: What are you hoping for? Who are you comforting? What are you dreaming of? What are you choosing to believe? What action are you taking to leave a lasting legacy? What words do you say and what words will be remembered, when you are no longer here?

Beliefs - They Get Us Through Our Days!

This week, I have been focusing on my beliefs. To get to my desired destination, I know I must believe in my dreams and I must take action! While I know, that our beliefs are never neutral and that they either propel us forward or stop us in our tracks, I know that getting into the driver's seat and pushing the accelerator is key to my success.

The story below, was sent to me my Dad via e-mail. He is my own Ray of Hope and constantly makes me laugh. He also makes me think more about how laughter refreshes me and how it is instrumental to my success. To be successful, I am reminded...not to take myself too seriously!!

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from athrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.


Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost inthought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love ofGod!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all thoseloving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle fingerstuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the windowand gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment thatthey got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this iswhen I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove onthrough the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersectionbefore the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leavethem after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

In thinking about your dreams, have you encountered roadblock and obstacles? Do you hear a doubting voice inside of you that tells you, "You don't have the time or energy to move in the direction of your dreams." This is simply a limiting belief that requires a change in perspective.

Did you know, that you have the power to change your limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs? Did you know that you can change your mind and that you can move forward, like Grandma in the preceding story?

You can change that limiting belief in an instant. You could choose to say, "I do have lots of energy in the morning. My battery has been recharged with sleep. I paused to read a funny story and I am refreshed. "

With this fresh perspective, and new empowering belief, I will get into my car tomorrow morning, take action and step on the gas pedal! It is never to late to begin to have fun, just like Grandma!

Doing Our Part - Giving At-Risk Youth an Opportunity for a Better Life!

January is Mentoring Month and we are being asked to help our youth! Youth with challenges and disabilities need our help to ensure that they are given opportunities to serve and to contribute. They need help in taking the next step, in exploring interests, and in transitioning from school to work or to higher education.

At the beginning of the year, I reflected on my blessings and the good people who have mentored me along the way. I remember being a High School Senior with a dream of attending college. My parents encouraged me to dream and wanted me to have opportunities that they did not enjoy. Neither had finished high school and they knew that I would need special guidance to get there myself.

I remember my Mom made a special effort to connect me with Mary Lu, a college student with whom she worked. She orchestrated a meeting time and brought us together to work on my college application. Mary Lu, just a junior herself, helped me to pull my goals, hopes and aspirations together and write my college essay.

I am convinced that I would not have been admitted to college without Mary Lu's help. With her support and suggestions, my college application was completed, and a couple of months later I received my letter of acceptance! I jumped with joy and thanked God for bringing me the help I needed. My life took on a new direction and was forever changed thanks to my first mentor, Mary Lu.

In the intervening years, I have been mentored and mentored others in my career. Along the way, I have shared dreams, received encouragement and learned lessons that have made a positive difference in my life and in the lives of others.

President Obama urges every American to stand up and take action. Together we can to help our youth and help our country. Michelle Obama has a message waiting for you here ...

Do you have a Mary Lu in your life? Do you remember a mentor who made all the difference in your life? Will you join me in taking action to support our youth and country? Will you consider becoming a Mentor and opening up opportunities for our at-risk youth?goals, plans, hopes

2009, Somewhere, There's a Place for Us!

As 2009 begins, I believe that we have reason to celebrate. We have been to hell and back and have survived. My mother was always fond of saying, "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." I have seen the wisdom of her words and indeed do feel stronger today. The last year was full of emotions, a roller coaster ride I am not eager to jump on again. Nonetheless, the fact that we are still standing, makes me confident that we are survivors and we have reason to hope!

As we enter 2009, with all of its challenges, I am more determined than ever to help others in voicing their dreams, realizing their worth, and in taking action. I have been energized and stimulated by the masses of people who celebrated the change we are embracing. We seem to have regained optimism and renewed our sense of hope in America.

As the new year emerges, we can look back and see that on November 4, 2008, over 57 million Americans made their voices heard. Americans lined up, said that they were ready for change, and elected Barrack Obama as President. Overnight, we regained the respect of the world and stood as a united force. Together, we can face the challenge and transition into a more inclusive and caring society.

Despite our concerns and worries, we can now look forward to a brighter new year. If 57 million Americans were willing to stand in long lines to vote and to make their voices heard, I am convinced that many million more stayed at home with dreams and hopes unheard. I am anxious to hear these unspoken dreams and hopes in 2009. I am going to make a concerted effort to encourage those who are often overlooked and ignored to voice their dreams and hopes. I will encourage them to acknowledge their strengths, to connect with others and to walk toward peace and understanding.

I was recently reminded of a song that is very significant for me. I heard it sung during the the Kennedy Center Honors televised program in tribute to Barbara Streisand and was nearly moved to tears. I know you have heard it. It was sung by a classmate the year I graduated from high school and has always held a special place in my heart.

Barbara Streisand made it popular and it was written by Michael Spriggs, Andy Byrd and Lindsay Ellis. The song is Somewhere. The words resonate with me more now than even then.... Here they are:

"Someday, somewhere, we'll find a new way of living, we'll find a new way of forgiving. Somewhere. There's a place for us, someday, a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air. Wait for us, somewhere. There's a time for us. Someday, there'll be a time for us. Time together with time to spare. A time to learn, a time to care. Someday, somewhere, we'll find a new way of living, we'll find a new way of forgiving. Somewhere. Somewhere. Somewhere. There's a place for us. A time and place for us. Hold my hand and we're halfway there. Just take my hand and I'll take you there. Somehow, Someday, Somewhere."

Will you take my hand? Will you walk with me into 2009 and work with me toward a new way of living? Will we find a new way of forgiving? Is there time for sharing and a time for caring? I hope so!

Together, we can fill the potholes found along the road of life with Hope and make the future brighter for us all. Together, hand in hand, we are halfway there. What are you waiting for?

Finding Joy, Appreciation and Hope in Unusual Places!

How does one who drives a bus make a statement without saying a word, bring joy, appreciation and hope to others, and show in living color who he is?

Come with me and I will tell you what I discovered one morning early last week as I headed into work. It was extremely cold outside, my body shook, and I shivered. I wanted nothing more than to be at home snuggled in my bed and yet there I was waiting for a bus downtown. I was delighted to see that bus come down the ramp. I was still sleepy but my mind raced with plans of getting to work, doing my job and getting home as quickly as possible to enjoy the warmth of my home and family. I was not looking forward to the day ahead and I was quite surprised by a most unusual sight. As the doors opened, I was greeted by a smiling Santa capped Bus Driver and his Christmas Tree Bus. As I walked down the aisle, looking for a seat, the day ahead appeared brighter!

Ask Bob Corbin, PRTC bus driver, #344, why he greets each passenger with a smile and he will tell you that his bus is his Christmas Tree. Each day with his Christmas Tree near, he begins his route with joy and appreciation in his heart. Look around and your eyes will feast on his creativity and you will become aware that this is an extraordinary bus and an extraordinary bus driver. Bob's dashboard is decorated with pointsettas and the roof above his head sports a piece of mistletoe. Each window is festooned with green garland, red ribbons, and candy canes. The garland and candy canes swing gently to and fro as he turns each corner and the tinsel continually glitters.

With Christmas still a couple of weeks away, Bob says that he is still decorating and his tree is still a work in progress. He points to more ornaments in the bins above his passengers, directs your attention to his toy soldiers which stand tall at the rear of the bus, and he promises to be in a full Santa Suit before Christmas arrives. He, in true Santa like fashion, smiles brightly and when asked about the decorations, he says he has been doing this for the last three years. As the holidays come and go, he changes his decorations with the season.

The one constant..in his decorations, no matter what time of year, is the red, white, and blue banner tape and the flags which wave in tribute to our Veterans. The banner and flags stay up year round demonstrating in visual terms, what Bob values. Bob, a veteran himself, gets to know his riders and their families. At this point, he is not aware of anyone who is serving in Iraq or Afghanistan. They have all returned home safely. In months past, he proudly displayed the pictures of those serving overseas on his tribute board to Veterans.

As I look around, I am no longer sleepy, and I reflect on his gift of joy, appreciation and hope. I am no longer anxious to get work or to get home. I am content, at peace, and enjoy the moment, simply riding in the Christmas Tree bus, just like Bob.

This bus and driver, cause me to ponder. I wonder what you and I can do, during this busy time of year, to showcase our unique selves while sharing joy, appreciation and hope with others? Can we do something unique and bring joy, hope and appreciation to those who we meet? I am inspired by Bob and hope you are too. I encourage you take the Holiday Hope and Healing Headwind, to explore new experiences, and to move forward in action to show others what we stand for and to demonstrate our appreciation. What action can we take to find and give joy, appreciation and hope to others in unusual places?

I look forward to hearing about where you go and who you meet.

Hope and Action Today, Trust and Miracles Tomorrow

Would you like to know how you can turn hope and action today into trust and miracles tomorrow?

Would you like to learn a formula to support you in transforming your hopes into your fondest dreams and the steps to follow in putting your own miracles in motion?

Would you like to hear a story illustrating how I used the Believe in a Ray of Hope Formula to create a true Christmas miracle in my life?

Believe in a Ray of Hope Formula:

1. Hope plus Action creates Belief.
2. Belief plus Action creates Trust.
3. Trust and Expectation create Miracles.

My Best Christmas Story!

Hope is Born
It seems like only yesterday... there I sat, a woman of 34, who had a ticking biological clock telling me that it was time to nurture my soul, it was time to open my heart and it was time to bring home my baby. The deep yearning I felt was magnified by two miscarriages and the sweet dimpled children I saw every where I looked. Hope was born. Now it was time for action.

Hope and Action Create Belief
I knew that my husband and I would be parents and that belief was reinforced as we sat in the FACE meeting all those years ago. We heard stories of success, we learned of other childless couples who had adopted children, saw happy family pictures and children who were growing up and thriving with love and attention. As we walked out of the seminar, in November 1986, I envisioned life with our baby.

Belief and Action Create Trust
Every day, I took another step toward my dream of creating a family. In taking action, we were providing evidence to ourselves that we believed in our dream. Our belief and action became our constant companions and we started to share our dream. While preparing for the holidays, we told our families and friends of our adoption plans; we wrote about our lives together, our hopes and dreams and composed a letter to the "woman" who would choose us to be the parents of her unborn baby. We had no idea who the woman would be and we knew in our hearts that we would be blessed. We met with an attorney who had adopted a child himself and learned more about the process.

After Christmas, we would draft ads to be put in college newspapers. With a clear intention in mind, we directed our focus to helping a less fortunate family to have a Merry Christmas. We attended church and were moved by Father Clark who seemed to be speaking directly to us when he said, "Put God in the driver's seat." We were being instructed to relax and trust. Father Clark's words were powerful and after church we approached him, "We enjoyed your sermon and would like you to assist us in helping another parish family. Can you connect us with a family thats need financial support over the holidays? We want to buy Christmas presents and food for a needy family." He replied, "When I get requests like yours, I always direct them to Hope of Northern VA, a social service agency in Fairfax."

Trust and Expectation Create Miracles
December, 1986, arrived and our hopes and beliefs had been shared. We had taken action to provide evidence of our intentions and rested with trust, knowing and expecting that our miracle would unfold at the right time and place.

We contacted the staff at Hope of Northern VA, told them that we wished to support a family and waited for a response, so that we could begin our christmas shopping. In the middle of December, the staff member called us back and said that she had scanned her client list and identified Natalie and her 2 year old son, Jason, as the family who would appreciate our support.

Natalie conveyed her telephone number and a desire to meet with us to the staff member. I called Natalie and learned that she, like me, loved arts and crafts and that Jason was a fast learner who loved to play and sing. I also learned that Natalie was expecting her second child in January. I said, "Natalie, what can we buy for your baby?" She replied, "Do not buy anything. My baby will not be coming home with me. I have made plans for adoption." In response, I said, "John and I hope to adopt and have written a letter that we hope to share with birth mothers like you. Would you be willing to read our letter and give us feedback on how we might modify it?" "Yes, " Natalie replied.

On December 23, 1986, we drove to a tiny apartment in Falls Church, with presents piled high and a letter for review. We met Natalie and Jason and were impressed with their warmth and hospitality. They were truly delighted as each package was laid to rest under their small Christmas tree. Before leaving, I pulled out the letter and told Natalie that I would like her to take a few minutes to read it. "Please give us any suggestions on how it might be received by a woman in your shoes who was looking to find a good home for her unborn child." Natalie read our letter over carefully and suggested that we not mention that we were Catholic as some women might not wish to have their child raised as a Catholic. We thanked her for her feedback and left her with the letter.

Christmas Eve arrived and we got an unexpected call from Natalie. She had been up all night; she had been thinking of us; and if we were still interested in adopting, she wanted us to adopt her unborn child. We jumped for joy, rejoiced like never before, and were with her when she delivered our son on January 7, 1987. On January 9th, Natalie was met by her mother, my husband, and me, and was discharged from the hospital. She tearfully released Gregory into my open arms and gave me a hug and a letter to share with him when he became of age. In that moment, we became a family and my miracles were embraced.

As you can see, miracles do come true. I hope you will consider using the Believe in a Ray of Hope formula to put your own miracles in motion. Remember the 3 step process:

1. Share your hopes and dreams;
2. Believe and take action in the direction of your dream; and
3. Relax and trust that your dreams will come true.

What hope and dream will you share? What actions can you take to demonstrate your intention? How will you set your miracles in motion and Believe in a Ray of Hope?

Hope Renewed! Tongue Fu at School - Highly Recommended

As a mother of three young adults with special challenges, my biggest wish is to find resources to help my children become self sufficient, solution-oriented and successful in their dealings with others. So imagine my delight when I recently met Sam Horn at an Inspiring Speaker Workshop in California and learned of her book, Tongue Fu!®at School. Tongue Fu!® offers a successful method for dealing with difficult people without becoming difficult yourself.

According to Sam, Tongue Fu!® is not about hitting back, getting even, putting people in their place, or giving them a piece of our mind. Rather, she says, "It's about giving ourselves peace of mind by being able to handle challenging situations at that moment, instead of thinking of the perfect response on the way home." It promised and delivered 30 ways to get along better with Teachers, Principals, Students and Parents. In each chapter, Sam shared many insights, real life examples and "tongue fu tips for teens."

Parents can use the tips in Tongue Fu!® at School to improve their relationship with their teenagers and at the same time model behavior that will help their teenagers to effectively connect with others, resolve interpersonal conflicts and gain cooperation.To facilitate dialogue and relationships, Sam suggests "words to use" and "words to lose." One word she hopes we will lose is "but." In its place she suggests using the word "and." The word "but" antagonizes and leads to arguments because the other person feels unheard or minimized. Whenever, we hear the word "but," we immediately know that bad news will follow and we brace ourselves. When we hear the word "and" in a conversation, we feel a connection, expect the dialogue to continue, and believe we are acknowledged.

I remember saying to my daughter, "Sandra, you have a great report card, but that "C" in Physics is disappointing." Sandra did not have much to say after my comment, and looking back I am sure that Sandra's joy at getting 5 "A's" and "B's" was overshadowed by the criticism she felt in getting my but statement. Imagine her reaction if I had said instead, "Sandra you did great on your report card and I am sure you'll figure out how to bring that lonely "C" up next quarter. As a result of reading this book, I decided to eliminate the "but" in my communications.

As parents, we have an awesome responsibility to help our young people successfully transition from school, to work, and to the larger community. The good news is, we do not need to do it on our own. We can get help from our family, our friends, and from communication experts like Sam Horn. With Tongue Fu!® at School, we are given communication tools that will help us and our family to connect and spring back with hope, vigor, and coping skills.Who renews your hope?

Please consider reading Tongue Fu!® at School and let me know what you gain. I look forward to hearing from you and hearing of your success!

Finding Hidden Blessings and Gratitude in Our Most Difficult Situations

On this the Eve of Thanksgiving, I am reflecting on my many blessings and feeling thankful for the lessons I have learned from my mom and dad. My dad, my living Ray of Hope, is a survivor, and he taught me by living example, how one can find the hidden blessings in difficult situations.

Growing up, I tried to run away from difficult situations; If I couldn't run away, I urged punitive actions and plotted my escape. As a teenager, I saw my brother make one bad choice after another. He verbally abused my parents, skirted the law and made me uncomfortable in our home. As a know-it-all-teenager, I pointed my finger at my brother and advised my parents to "Send him away." I told them, "He needs a military school. His behavior is intolerable."

When my parents ignored my advice, I sought refuge in my room, in my studies and in my goals. After high school graduation, I enrolled in college and felt lucky to escape from the daily rants, rages and excuses. The drama and trauma of living with a younger brother who marched to the tune of a different drummer was more than I wanted to deal with.

When my brother threw shoes at me in anger and was not challenged, I fled to the safety of my sorority house. I felt powerless and heartbroken as his tirades continued. I saw the frustration and exasperation in my mother's eyes and I left with a sense of relief and guilt. I could no longer witness the challenges he presented and after graduating from college, I headed for Germany where my sister and husband lived as part of the American military community.

Little did I know then, that I could not run far enough or fast enough to escape the lessons that were meant just for me. In the intervening years, I have learned that when I ran away and did not choose to learn the lesson at a given point in time, I was given more opportunities to master the lesson and given similar challenges to face. As the saying goes, "YOU CAN RUN, But YOU CAN NOT HIDE," until the lesson is mastered. I have also learned that challenges and failures are not the enemy and often our best teachers.

While I was not in CA to witness the events day to day, I did learn of the threats on my brother's life and did learn that my parents moved twice in quick succession in an attempt to protect him and get him away from bad influences. I shook my head in disbelief and was glad I was not facing the challenges at close range. At the age of 23, I thought I had escaped for good and I was convinced that I would never have any children of my own.

Meanwhile, my mom and dad remained steadfast in their devotion to our family. We lost my mother to cancer when she was only 55 and in my heart I sensed that she could bear no more. In her lifetime, she had shouldered more than her share of heartbreak and she did not know how to tap into resources outside of our family.

If my dad grew tired of the challenges of dealing with my younger brother and his various addictions, I never witnessed his despair. Instead, I saw a man and a father who consistently saw the best in any situation, in my brother, and in the people around him. My dad loved us all unconditionally and believed in looking for the blessings in difficult situations. Time after time, he encouraged us all to persevere, to learn from our mistakes and to try again. Through good times and difficult times, my father celebrated the blessings and lessons learned.

Slowly, I began to absorb the lessons I witnessed and decided not to run away anymore from my challenges. My direction and tune changed. I decided that I very much wanted to have children and when my husband and I faced multiple miscarriages, we decided that we would take deliberate action and adopt our children.

We lost my brother, Ray Jr., when he was in his early 30's, shortly after we adopted our first son, Greg. Greg was only a little boy when my brother gave him a prayer that still hangs in his room. On occasion, I stop to read the words of that prayer and I am reminded of the blessings that my brother brought to my life.

Despite his challenges, my brother, inherited my dad's generosity of spirit and is remembered with gratitude. He brought joy to the lives of the people he met and never knew a stranger. Within minutes, he would draw a crowd of those who wanted to hear his stories and adventures. As his sister, I did not always appreciate my brother's gifts, but my dad always did.

Today, I realize that my brother served me in many ways. The brother who made many mistakes while seeking to live life to the fullest, was loved unconditionally and in the process, I saw my father grow in stature. My dad's faith, hope and love were constant and as result, I was able to learn by example.

As a parent of three young adults with a variety of unique needs, I can truly appreciate the lessons I learned in watching my father and brother deal with learning, social, and addiction challenges. In my darkest hours and in the most difficult situations, I remember how my dad stood strong and was ever ready to support my brother, my sister and I. As I reflect, on his life, I am inspired to walk in his footsteps... to love my children unconditionally and to stand by them as they learn from their mistakes, and to believe in a Ray of Hope when the situation looks bleakest.

When I feel weary, I remember my mom and her early departure and take time for reflection and rejuvenation. I have learned to take time for myself so that I can tap into the reservoir of faith and have more to give to my family, my friends and community. In tough times, I reach out to my extended support system...to my family, friends, teachers, school administrators and counselors. I believe, as Hillary Clinton said, "It takes a village to raise a child."

I remember my dad and am strengthened by my his humor and example. He found time to laugh, to enjoy the moment, to celebrate with us, to support us and to work through the problems we encountered individually and as a family. Today, being the adult daughter of a Ray of Hope, I believe that there are hidden blessings in our challenges and failures and I am filled with gratitude.

Who is part of your village and who can you turn to when your child presents a challenge that must be acknowledged and appreciated? Who serves as your Ray of Hope and how will you share your gratitude on this day of Thanksgiving?

One Step Forward, Two Steps Backward and One Step Forward and So it Goes with a Ray of Hope....

The year is now 2002, the month November, and we have learned that our son has Klinefelter Syndrome, 47 XXY. Our doctor called and said, "Mrs. Fulton, are you sitting down?" "Yes, I am, Doctor." The Doctor said, "Mrs. Fulton, the test results have come in and Robert has 47 XXY; It is a chromosomal abnormality and I would like to tell you about it. Your son, has many of the challenges that others with the syndrome have and we would like you to meet with a geneticist to give you an idea of what you can expect." "Yes, Doctor, please make the referral and please spell the name of the syndrome for me. I will be doing some research, myself."

It seems like only yesterday, that I got that call. I had waited 7 long years to get this diagnosis and my hopes soared with the information that I gathered. Boys, like my son Robert were often immature for their years, often had speech challenges and difficulty in expressing their ideas. Many were described as good looking, tall and generous in spirit. This certainly was true of Robert, who had always impressed me with his good looks and compassion. With testosterone supplementation at puberty, they often became better focused, more at ease, and school work became easier for them. At the age of 11, puberty was around the corner, and with testosterone, hopefully, his troubles would soon be behind us.

I learned of a group of parents who had come together to support one another and the development of their boys with KS. I called the toll free number and talked to Melissa, organizer of the parent group and was delighted to hear that there was a Klinefelter Specialist in the Washington, DC, area. I called Dr. Samango Sprouse, the highly respected expert and she agreed to meet with me and my son the following month. More hope!

I knew that the school would be interested in knowing of this diagnosis and that I would want to share all I knew so that they could help us to help Robert. While the principal and teachers, were interested, they were not prepared to offer the help that the Klinefelter Specialist had suggested.

They had a suggestion, perhaps, a school for the emotionally challenged would be more appropriate for Robert. With a huff and more than a puff, I blew that idea out of the water.

I withdrew Robert from public school, enrolled him in Lindamood Bell for reading support and saw his reading skills increase with the one to one tutoring support. The intensity of instruction, proved to be too much after a couple of months and soon Robert was showing his frustration in emotional outbursts. I knew he needed to let off steam, exercise after a couple of hours and arranged to have personal trainer to come in to lead physical activities. This helped but was not enough and soon we were looking for another school.

We learned of a great school in Maryland about 1.5 hours from our home that specialized in helping children with communication challenges. Robert began taking the gel form of testosterone while still taking the ADD medication as his doctors tried to stabilize his focus and concentration. His endocrinologist was less than enthusiastic about the testosterone, fearing it would make him more agressive. When teachers still had concerns about his impulsivity, we tried Straterra and decided to stop the testosterone while we checked out the effectiveness of this newly released drug. We did not want to over medicate and since the endocrinologist was tentative in prescribing the testosterone, we stopped giving the testosterone to him. Looking back, that was another mistake...

Meanwhile, Robert liked his teachers and the shop class with hands on activities in Maryland. We got in a carpool and hoped for the best even though his school days were extremely long. Robert finished out his 6th grade there and when it was over, we assessed his progress and decided that a private school in VA specializing in helping children with learning disabilities might help and would certainly shorten his 12 hour treks going to and from school. With great hopes, Robert enrolled in 7th grade.

How many of you experience one step forward, two steps backward, one step forward and still believe in a ray of hope? What is the alternative??

Choices, Consequences and Connections to a Ray of Hope

Come back with me to July 4, 1995. I sat lounging in a chair, book in hand, with one eye on my 8 year old who was frolicking with a friend in the community pool. I heard the familiar ring of my cell, picked it up and heard the voice of my husband, urging us to come home quick. The long awaited call from Latvia had come in, and if I came home now I could speak to the adoption coordinator who had identified our daughter. Even though it was midday, the fireworks had begun for me and our lives would never be the same.

On that wonderful afternoon, I learned of not only the blond, blue eyed 5-year old little girl who was chosen to make our family complete, but also of her 3-year old cherub looking brother who was also looking for a home. The choice we made that afternoon had consequences that continue to impact our lives. On that day, July 4, 1995, our family of three became a family of 5.

I flew to Latvia in early August, met both Sandra and Robert, delighted in their hugs, their affection and the joy they showed while blowing bubbles, using crayons and running along the beach. In the adoption court, I learned that Sandra had lived with her birthmother for the first four years of her life and that Robert had been placed in the orphanage at birth and had language delays, but these exuberant children were happy, healthy and would add joy to our lives and our connections were cemented. They would come home with me to United States, be met at the airport by their father, and older brother and we would learn to believe in a ray of hope together.

Fast forward 7 years, Greg, our oldest adopted at birth, is now 15, Sandra is 13, and Robert is 11. Both in their teens, Greg and Sandra keep busy with friends and sports. Robert at 11 has been regressing, his 4th grade teacher has told us his reading skills in 5th grade are not what they were in 4th grade. I'm speechless, my worst fears are being realized. I have been complaining for years that the school and Robert's teachers were not meeting his educational needs. My frustration and anger escalate and finally, feeling misunderstood, I turn to our family doctor, who in turn refers us to a neurologist who runs a wide variety of tests on Robert and in the process, we recieve the diagnosis of Klinefelter Syndrome (KS), 47 XXY.

In learning about KS, we learned that boys like our son, Robert, who have an extra X chromosome often experience language delays, learning disabilities, and are misdiagnosed with ADHD or ADD. Finally, Robert's reading challenges, communication difficulties, frustration and emotional outbursts have a name and begin to make sense to us all. Finally, with the diagnosis, we feel a sense of relief and begin to see a Ray of Hope. Finally, we are able to stop pointing fingers, blaming the teachers, and are able to begin taking actions to serve the needs of our son and the needs of our family.

When have you made choices, faced consequences, and connected to a Ray of Hope?

Are you Speechless, Outraged, Tired and Frustrated?

• Do you need support to be recognized, refreshed and re energized to find your voice?
• Do you hear a small voice inside of you, asking you to transform your hurt into a vision for a brighter tomorrow?
• If you look deep within you, do you see a glimmer of hope?

If so, I know how you feel. I have traveled a similar path. And I can help you find that deep inside Voice in You! Not so very long ago, I was reflecting on my own life; facing many challenges, and feeling overwhelmed. I wondered how I could recover and be the Mom, Wife and Partner I was meant to be. On the outside, I was doing well and had much to be thankful for; but inside I knew that I was not truly connected to my voice, my passion, my husband, my children, or my purpose.

On many occasions, I was shaken to the core, became indignant, angry, and when I was not screaming, I was often speechless. At such times, I would recoil, regroup, lash out and eventually wear myself out. Looking back, I wish I had learned to reach in and reach out earlier, as I know I suffered immensely and made life difficult for those who I loved the most.

Today, I am truly in touch with what matters to me most and I am using my voice much more regularly to engage in meaningful and purposeful dialogue. I am actively helping myself, my family and those in my circle of influence to Believe in a Ray of Hope and to embrace our dreams and gather our strength while moving forward in action and determination.

After facing many trials and challenges and encountering multiple failures, I turned to those who have inspired me over the years and sought advice. While my father never preached, his life was an open book and upon reflection, I could clearly see what he had done and I began to try to emulate him and the method he employed so successfully in living his life. At 80, he is in good health, good humor and has no regrets. My father's name is Ray and over the years, I have seen him weather many storms and every time he has emerged with hope, vigor and in action. Because of his positive influence on my life and the lessons he has taught me by example, I have named this method, Believe in a Ray of Hope in his honor.

I have used Believe in a Ray of Hope, to adopt our three children; to get special education services for our son who was diagnosed as 47 XXY at the age of 11; to buy our beach house; and to help students obtain scholarships, to get their dream jobs and to reconnect with their passions. There is a special place in my heart for the parents of special needs children and I have decided to spend the next few years in service to them, knowing how important they are to the success of our specially challenged youth.

Most of the special needs parents I meet are like me; successful in many endeavors, but still looking for extra meaning, extra joy and eager to reach extra milestones for themselves and for those they love. I am convinced that my Dad and the lessons he taught me in living a life based on Believe in a Ray of Hope will be of value to others who are seeking to weather the storms of life. I would love to share my Dad’s method, Believe in a Ray of Hope with you as it is transformational!

Please let me know how you would like to use your voice and what gives you hope?