Pumpkins, Transitions, and Opportunities Shine!

Smiling Pumkins to YOU!
FALL IS HERE and Winter is not far behind! Time is racing fast in our neck of the woods and transitions and opportunities surround us!

Our children are shining brightly, and as I think about their transitions, I feel joy and delight. They are like the pumpkins in the picture.

Our youngest, Robert, turned 18 last week, got his driver's permit two weeks ago and is so happy. This was quite an accomplishment for him and my heart swells when I think of the obstacles he has overcome! Our daughter, Sandra, is happy with her new found freedom and is enjoying her first year of college in a dorm 7 hours from home. Our oldest, Greg, continues to enjoy his life in Blacksburg, loves his job and is self-sufficient. I say hip, hip, hooray!!

My Transition:

The leaves are changing and becoming more vibrant every day, and Transition continues to be front and center in my life. As you may know, I have been planning for my own transition for the last year and have been taking deliberate steps forward toward my vision.

Looking back, I have accomplished much already:

• Established my niche (Visioning for for Those Living with or Working with Special Needs),


• Identified my target audience (Parents and Educators),


• Created and offered Transition Boot Camp to multiple audiences, and


• Established my Blog, my Website and my LLC.
  

Despite my steps forward, I still find a large gap between my reality and my vision and until recently was not sure how I would make the leap from full time employment to my post-retirement livelihood.

With my retirement in sight, I have been searching for a way to bridge that gap. I have been trying to find a way to replace my income, trying to regain my vigor while determining my own schedule and hoping to shed unneeded pounds. I have been looking for answers and as the saying goes when the student is ready, the teacher arrives.

Just last week, that special educator arrived, as I was contemplating next steps. Heather, my long term friend and trusted confidante, who has counseled and guided our family through many difficult challenges, came forward and shared her own vision with me. I found that our reality and vision paralleled in many ways. This is what I discovered:

My Reality:

• We are both tired of working hard to earn money and not having the time to enjoy it;
• My weight is increasing and I rarely make time for exercise or wellness routines;
• More and more people are losing their jobs, many young people in our lives are struggling and all the talk of recession wears us down; and
• My savings in my 401K plan have shrunk, my doubts and fears have surfaced and my retirement plans are becoming iffy, at best.

My Vision:

• I am my own boss, plan family fun and beach time along with my own goals into my schedule. I am physically fit, visioning with my family and others and witnessing amazing results;
• I am full of energy, people around me are optimistic, competent, and supportive and we live the American Dream; and
• I retire; my income continues to increase and soars exponentially with deliberate intent and my joy is abundant.

New Opportunity:

If you share my reality, and can envision greater health, wealth and energy in your life, and believe that the time is right to take action to make it happen, I want to tell you more. Heather told me that she had taken the last several months to align herself and her vision with those of other winners. Needless, to say, I wanted to learn more!

Heather explained that I could earn significant residual income while setting my own pace and being my own boss. I suddenly realized that this was the bridge I had been looking for.

As time goes on, I will be inviting those who enroll in the proven program with me to a special beach retreat. Together, we will engage in visioning at our beach house in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We will Dream Big, walk along the seashore, rest, set goals and return refreshed and reinvigorated!

If you don't think you are interested right now, but are inclined to pass this info on to someone who might be, I would be delighted and will find a way to show you my appreciation.

Join Me!

I see us growing wise together and working together in one way or another. Please know, that you can count on me for support. I hope that you will call or email me soon.

With Appreciation for All You Do and Hope to Do,

Doreen

Doreen@believeinarayofhope.com - email
http://believeinarayofhope.com/- website

703-371-5682

Call me Today! I would love to hear from YOU!

Everything I Am, I Owe to My Mother and her Faith in Both of Us!

As a child, I was shy; I doubted my abilities, and in many ways I was an introvert. I hated leaving my mother's side. The first day of school always presented a host of wails and worries from me. I remember crying out in horror in kindergarten, and also in 1st and in 2nd grade as she left me in the care of a new teacher and classmates. My mother worked with me relentlessly, encouraged me to identify my strengths, and to find a friend. She applauded when I took a small step forward, and encouraged me to take another step forward, and yet another. She finally pushed me into the pool of life. Once, I was left to sink or swim, I decided to swim.

When God blessed me with a child with special needs, I decided to stand up, share and soar for both of us, following the example of my mother. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and take action myself. I heard long ago, most likely at my mother's knee, a bit of wisdom, that seems especially relevant. "Never expect anyone to do anything, that you would not be willing to do, yourself." Thus, if I wanted my son to speak up with confidence and respect for human dignity, I had to be willing to speak up myself with both confidence and respect for human dignity. In short, I was called upon to serve as a role model, before I pushed.

As my youngest approaches 18, and is transitioning to the age of majority, I am beginning to push. We all need encouragement and some, like me, need the extra push to soar. As I watched the movie, I looked into the eye of the eagle, and saw my mother. There must of been days when she doubted herself and me, but in the end, she decided that we were both able and worthy. She tapped into her faith in both of us, put God in the driver's seat and pushed. As a result, we both soared.

Enjoy the movie and let me hear from you! What do your children need from you?

Seven Affirmations for Moms with Teens in Transition

Letting Go Isn't Easy!

If you are like me and many other parents, you will be saying good bye to your teens this month. College has begun for many already. I dropped off my daughter at her dorm a week ago and in the week since, I have found myself reflecting on how fast the years have flown by. It seems like only yesterday, that she was a small toddler. Now, she is 6.5 hours away and deciding when to get up, when to go to bed, and what to do with the hours in between! I do hope she is finding time for her classes....

When a day goes by without a telephone call, I wonder:

Have I prepared her? Have I sheltered her too much? Will she be able to make it without daily reminders from her Dad and I? Will she steer away from dangerous situations? Will she speak up for herself and get answers to her questions. Will she find supportive friends and teachers to walk with her on this new path?

You may remember, incidents from your own years of transition and fear that your own teen will make similar or worse mistakes. You may wish to turn back the clock and regain the control you once had. This wish can not be granted, this moment is no longer in the distant future. It is here! I realize that I can choose to use my imagination to support or diminish my peace of mind. Rather than play out the worst case scenarios in my mind, I look up to the clouds above and affirm:


1. I release control, let go of my negative beliefs and see new possibilities for me and my teen.

2. My nurturing skills soothe my soul and spirit.

3. I laugh every day and connect with my teen in new ways.

4. I find a perfect place to relax and enjoy moments of solitude every day.

5. I enjoy a new sight every day.

6. I rejoice in pleasant memories shared with my teen.

7. I am talented, skilled and appreciated for my past and present efforts.

Affirmations can help you and me as we confront new terrain without those wild and wonderful teens who grew up so fast. Without those who have traveled with us in the past, we may find ourselves focusing on our fears which doesn't help our children, our spouses or ourselves. In fact, our thoughts influence our emotions and lives significantly. At this time of transition, we must remember that our thoughts and beliefs can be changed in an instant. Knowing that fear drains us while joy energizes us, we must seek to change limiting beliefs to empowering beliefs and follow up with action.

Wayne Dyer reminds us the fastest way to get from fear to love is through compassion. It is in reaching out to another and offering a helping hand without expecting anything in return that we experience love and joy and leave fear behind.

• How can you get past your fear to love?
• What beliefs and affirmations will support you and your teen on this new path where you are no longer traveling hand and hand?
• What act of compassion or act of kindness will you extend and to who?

The choice is yours. You are in control and I encourage you use your imagination and to create affirmations that empower you and those you love. The time to has come to see you and your children rejoicing and celebrating lessons learned and eagerly embracing new adventures!

Let Go, Let God!

These words have special significance for me today. These words, Let Go, Let God, allowed me to sleep last night. I had a very challenging day both at home and work. At work, I faced a discouraged colleague and a frustrated supervisor. I tried to meet the needs of both and left the office without satisfying either.

At home, I was met with an angry mother and my attempts to share my concerns and gain her support failed. As my daughter struggles to gain her independence and freedom, I worry about her fate. She is worried about hurting her boyfriend, worried about his anger, and wants the 30 to 40 texts she receives daily to be limited. Meanwhile, the texts continue....

As she shares her desire to breathe, to step back, his clutch becomes tighter and his pleas louder. She is finished talking to me and does not seem to be overly concerned. He is learning to text "less." Breaking up is hard to do and transitions are difficult. Meanwhile, I listen to stories of obsessive lovers and fear that her desire to spread her wings will be stifled by a "friend" who can not get enough of her. I share my concerns with her and vow to myself to reach out to a counselor. Getting her out of the area gives me reason to celebrate. Getting support from loved ones is crucial in times of transition.

Remaining here, I hear stange noises, start to fret and worry about the consequences of my actions. I fear the ramifications of confronting the controlling behavior and yet I know that these ties will limit her growth and development. After listening to the concerns and worries of friends and relatives for her safety and for my own, I decide to turn inward and seek guidance. In my quiet solitude, I hear, "Let Go, Let God." Knowing that I have done everything I can, I decide do just that. I Let Go and Let God.

I slept and woke up refreshed. I called the counselor with firm resolve and my daughter is now getting objective counsel and help. I remind myself again and again to continue to reach out for support, to tap into my inner resources and to Let Go, and Let God.

Free Tools to Fuel Your Journey!

As a mom of three young adults, all with special challenges, I have been focusing on transitions for the last few years. I know that going to college is one of several options and leaving home for the first time can be exciting, scary and challenging. Our children can look forward to it and worry about it at the same time.

As we move forward, taking action each day, our lives are transformed. Decisions on transitions deserve our attention and energy. As a parent, my emotions have soared high and low as I have contemplated life with my two oldest living several hours away from us. This is a major transition and it can be a difficult transition for your son or daughter and for you as well.

As parents, we have helped our children to receive the resources and supports that he or she has needed and now as they get ready for this transition, we must step back and let our youth step forward. Services are no longer spelled out in Individualized Education Plan and we must depend our teens to voice their needs, share their strengths, and get the supports that they need.

“Going to College” http://www.going-to-college.org/ has proven to be a great online resource in our house. It is designed for teens with disabilities and helps them to prepare for it. I have used it myself and it has given me much food for thought. I have sat next to my daughter and we have learned together what helps to make college life successful for those with learning differences.

What I like about “Going to College” is that you hear the voices and stories of college students with disabilities. My adults- in- training are much more interested in listening to the advice of other students then they are in listening to me. They view these students as experts. After all, they have gone to college with a disability and they know what it is like.

“Going to College” is divided into three major themes: My Place, Campus Life, and Planning for College. In going through the material, your young adult will be encouraged to apply lessons learned, to respond to questions and to watch associated videos and podcasts. You and your teen will be engaged and will be encouraged to think about upcoming transitions and whether college is the next step on your journey.

Many of these thought provoking activities provide useful information that can fuel self assessment and lead to powerful discussions at IEP meetings in high school. These exercises can be added to an online portfolio that can be used while visiting colleges and talking with college personnel or taking other action steps forward.

For more Tools to Fuel Your Journey, visit my Website at http://believeinarayofhope.com/

I AM SO DONE!!

As the school year comes to an end, many parents, educators and students are racing fast to the finish line while others have been crying for relief for several weeks now. As a mom of a graduating high school senior, I have heard my daughter shriek several times, "I Am So Done!"

I hear her and understand, she is very anxious to say goodbye to high school, to her early morning classes, and to senior projects! She wants this high speed race to the finish line to be over. She seems to be gasping for air...while dreaming of easier, more relaxed and fun-filled days of summer! She yearns to sleep in late, to roll over and to reflect on the life she is leaving behind and to just be. She wants to just Be!

I empathize, as I too have been racing to complete projects, planning for celebrations and preparing for the upcoming transitions. I have been juggling many balls, shiftng my direction and focus daily and I am nearing exhaustion. I too, have wanted to shout, I AM SO DONE!

We all need a vacation and June 19th will come none too soon for me! Knowing that the end is near, I am pausing for a moment to catch my breath and relishing thoughts that bring me joy and hope. The day after graduation, our family will be heading to the beach and life will slow down for at least a week. We will all breathe easier.

Right now, I am slowing down, and I will soon be heading upstairs for a relaxing bubble bath. While I can not quit now, I can entertain the following thoughts that refuel my soul and spirit.

I envision a sunny day at the beach and suddenly I am transported to another time and place. I am sitting in a lounge chair, close to the water's edge, listening to the crashing waves, and reflecting on my many blessings. I clearly see myself awakening refreshed and renewed the next morning. As the sun rises, I am jounaling and I plot more days of delight! I acknowledge accomplishments and move forward only after I have savored the victories and reviewed the lessons learned in failures. I let it all soak in and simply enjoy my moments in the sun.

While the day at the beach is only in my imagination at this point, my thoughts have recharged my spirit. It helps me get up and gives me hope. Yes, the days ahead will be busy, hectic and demanding and I know I will continue to move forward.

How do you recharge? What do you do to refuel when you feel like yelling, I Am So Done? What will you do today to re-energize you?

I urge you to seize moments of relaxation, to seize moments of reflection and to seize and savor your accomplishments and the lessons you have learned along the way. In so doing, you will be refreshed and ready to get out of the I AM SO DONE pot hole and on to new adventures!

Keys to Successful Visioning - Intention, Integrity and Imagination

Happy Monday! After a rainy, dreary day, I am looking back and remembering the joy, pride and relief, I enjoyed over the weekend. On Saturday, the weather was warm and the sun was bright in Northern Virginia. I spent the day with my daughter and son working outside to create a reading garden at our local elementary school. The work was done to support my daughter's gold award project and was a fitting capstone experience that showed how intention, integrity and active imaginations make things happen!

This reading garden sprung to life when Sandra gave voice to her vision and followed up with a letter of intention at the beginning of her senior year. She got into action, did research at the library, asked for advice and help, visited hardware stores, secured permission and approval and then put the plans aside expecting to get it done before graduation.

As spring time beckoned, other priorities competed for her time. Sandra was tempted to toss the reading garden idea off, say that she was too busy with school work and just hang out with friends. She wanted nothing more than to plan for the prom and graduation, yet her integrity kicked in and triumphed. She decided to follow up and fulfill the promise she made at the beginning of the school year when graduation seemed far away. She gathered us all together, explained her plan and we were assigned duties.

My husband, his brother and several friends worked with us to build the benches according to the plans she had found on the internet. While the younger guys, were digging post holes for the benches we built, I distributed snacks, drinks and took pictures. Sandra drilled holes and became quite proficient with the electric screwdriver. When the benches were all assembled, we sanded them and made quite a dusty mess in the garage. The work was not done however as the benches now had to be cemented into the ground. It was hard work and well worth the effort. At the end of the day, I checked off one task on my unfulfilled promise list and I felt good and so did Sandra! One less thing to weigh me (us) down.

With this success behind us, I felt free to reflect and envision Sandra's upcoming transition and my hopes and dreams for her. She will be heading for college on August 14th and she will be 7 hours away from us at UVA Wise. I hope she will remember this day and how good it felt to complete what she had promised to do. I hope she will remember how intention, integrity, and her imagination helped her to achieve her vision.

I hope she will remember her success and remember that she did not succeed alone. I hope she will remember to acknowledge those who helped her to realize her vision. I hope she will find time to help those who need support and an exta hand. In the years to come, I hope she will continue to share her dreams with others and to gain from their support and encouragement. I hope she will continue to imagine bigger projects and more fun filled days that are both recognized and celebrated.

Looking now at my hopes and dreams for my daughter, I realize that these are my hopes and dreams for me too!

What are your hopes and dreams? How you can you put your intentions, integrity and imagination to work for you?

Seeking Peace of Mind - As our Children Become Adults

As parents, we all want peace of mind and want to rest easy knowing that our children will get the services that they need as adults. As an advocate for my own special needs child, I have been navigating the roads that lead to educational and health related services for nearly 15 years. As my son nears 18, I am keenly aware that he will soon come of age and I will not always be at his side to ensure service delivery and this keeps me awake at night. Knowing that time stops for no one, I know that the time to act is now. You and I can not wait until our sons and daughters are adults to take action.

This point was recently made very clear. I was sitting in a school group meeting for parents. The counselor/facilitator, started the discussion, leaning toward a parent he said, "So, Max, will be 18 on Wednesday, what are you going to do now?" I was at first perplexed, new to the school, I wondered what the school had done to prepare this young person for life beyond high school? When I asked about career planning, job coaching, vocational rehabilitation, and resume writing, I got the distinct impression that transition planning was not a priority at this school. At this crucial time, the school official seemed to be indicating that the school's responsibility would soon end and they would be thrusting this young man back into the arms of his parents who would then face the challenge on their own.

I shuddered, knowing that my son would soon be that age and he was not nearly ready to be self sufficient. It was at this crucial moment, that I began thinking of transition services and how we could help prepare him. My son is working, just went through vocational evaluation and with our support will have job skills before he is out of school, making his transition into the world of work less daunting. Other young people are not so fortunate.

Some have developmental disabilities so severe that their parents are never able to fully relax. Some states have very long waiting lists for services, and as a result these individuals may not get needed services for MANY years after they reach adulthood. These long waiting lists are exhausting and this often places a significant burden on the family as the parents age and their own medical needs increase. Because of these long waiting lists, parents and caregivers are expected to continue to provide 24 hour care, activities, and job related services for years on end. Some parents have died before their children have received services and with this in mind, I urge you to vote to end these waiting lists. Parents and caregivers need support too!

The proposal below is very important and could spell real hope for the parents with children with significant developmental disabilities and it needs our full support. It will take many votes to get this item on Obama's radar screen and the more people who vote for it the better! I hope everyone will take the time to vote. Only a minute or two and you can voice your thoughts on many educational issues at the same time.

What concern keeps you awake at night? Do you need support and services for your teenager? What knowledge and skills does your teen need to prepare for the next phase of his/her life?

Hope Renewed! Tongue Fu at School - Highly Recommended

As a mother of three young adults with special challenges, my biggest wish is to find resources to help my children become self sufficient, solution-oriented and successful in their dealings with others. So imagine my delight when I recently met Sam Horn at an Inspiring Speaker Workshop in California and learned of her book, Tongue Fu!®at School. Tongue Fu!® offers a successful method for dealing with difficult people without becoming difficult yourself.

According to Sam, Tongue Fu!® is not about hitting back, getting even, putting people in their place, or giving them a piece of our mind. Rather, she says, "It's about giving ourselves peace of mind by being able to handle challenging situations at that moment, instead of thinking of the perfect response on the way home." It promised and delivered 30 ways to get along better with Teachers, Principals, Students and Parents. In each chapter, Sam shared many insights, real life examples and "tongue fu tips for teens."

Parents can use the tips in Tongue Fu!® at School to improve their relationship with their teenagers and at the same time model behavior that will help their teenagers to effectively connect with others, resolve interpersonal conflicts and gain cooperation.To facilitate dialogue and relationships, Sam suggests "words to use" and "words to lose." One word she hopes we will lose is "but." In its place she suggests using the word "and." The word "but" antagonizes and leads to arguments because the other person feels unheard or minimized. Whenever, we hear the word "but," we immediately know that bad news will follow and we brace ourselves. When we hear the word "and" in a conversation, we feel a connection, expect the dialogue to continue, and believe we are acknowledged.

I remember saying to my daughter, "Sandra, you have a great report card, but that "C" in Physics is disappointing." Sandra did not have much to say after my comment, and looking back I am sure that Sandra's joy at getting 5 "A's" and "B's" was overshadowed by the criticism she felt in getting my but statement. Imagine her reaction if I had said instead, "Sandra you did great on your report card and I am sure you'll figure out how to bring that lonely "C" up next quarter. As a result of reading this book, I decided to eliminate the "but" in my communications.

As parents, we have an awesome responsibility to help our young people successfully transition from school, to work, and to the larger community. The good news is, we do not need to do it on our own. We can get help from our family, our friends, and from communication experts like Sam Horn. With Tongue Fu!® at School, we are given communication tools that will help us and our family to connect and spring back with hope, vigor, and coping skills.Who renews your hope?

Please consider reading Tongue Fu!® at School and let me know what you gain. I look forward to hearing from you and hearing of your success!